RNC Day 4: Snarkiest. Convention. Ever. (part 2)
September 6, 2008
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Okay, where were we? The political Party that has held the White House for the last eight years, is responsible for doubling the national debt, preyed on the insecurities of a frightened nation after 9/11 to launch the first “preemptive war” in American history based upon falsified evidence & “cherry-picked” intelligence, and has basically given the entire Bush Administration a “Get out of jail free” card for crimes they freely admit to on National TV, wants you to vote for them because the other guy “is too inexperienced to be President”, while their VP with 20 months experience as governor of the 47th least populous state in the union is “THE most qualified” person to be VP… just pray nothing happens to the 72 year old cancer survivor McCain.
12% of the country is still undecided.
14% believe Bigfoot will be proven to be real.
Republicans are suddenly all about “Change” (???). They suddenly seem to agree that “experience” isn’t all that important, and that being a decorated Vietnam veteran is worthy of honor & respect, qualifying you to be President of the United States (unlike in 2004). Meanwhile, both McCain & Bush seem to have come around to the idea that maybe a “timetable” for pulling out of Iraq isn’t such a bad idea.
Republicans pretending not to be Republicans, telling us how bad things have gotten under Republicans, who try and convince us Republicans understand the concerns of the Common Man while campaigning in $540 Italian Leather Loafers or addressing crowds wearing a $10,000 string of pearls and $250,000 diamond earrings, one has to wonder just how dumb do they think we are? Then you look at some polls that claim “a dead heat”, and suddenly the question isn’t “how dumb do they think we are” but “are we really that dumb”? Let’s hope not.
So now that the RNC is trying to morph themselves into the DNC, agreeing that “Change” is desperately needed and what we have now isn’t working, the question is: do you want another Republican President that has come around to agreeing with Democrats, or shouldn’t you just vote for the Democrat? Hmm, tough choice. (Not.)
To any “undecided voter” out there that may have switched their vote as a result of John McCain’s acceptance speech Thursday night, have I got a video for you:
Think back to McCain’s & Palin’s speeches. Their big solution for turning the economy around: “tax cuts!” I think Bush & The Republicans tried that already. And look where we are. And if I remember correctly… and I do… those tax cuts came after the longest peacetime economic expansion in history. So when the taxes were so high they needed to be cut, our economy boomed. When we cut taxes without matching spending cuts, the economy went into freefall as the National Debt exploded and the dollar imploded. And what is their solution again? Oh yeah, more tax cuts.
Okay, enough of the hypocrisy & stupidity of their platform, let’s look some more at the hypocrisy & stupidity of their words.
Following Lindsey Graham’s torrent of bald-faced lies, a video retrospective of Sarah Palin… held over from the night before… was played:
ANNOUNCER.
- “Mother. Moosehunter. Maverick!”
- “Led her highschool basketball team to a state championship.”
- “Started out as a hockey Mom, and became a member of the PTA.”
- “Loves her family. Loves her government. And loves Moose stew.”
All qualities you look for in a potential future President of the most powerful nation on Earth. Am I right? Sure much of it was said tongue-in-cheek. Problem is, that REALLY IS the bulk of her resume!
Washington reporter Jeanne Cummings had a *fantastic* response to GOP criticism that the Press is being too critical of Palin:
Former Governor of PA and former Director of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge was up next. He talked about his 20 year “friendship” with John McCain, about how they were both vets, and how that gave them an unspoken bond.
- “(McCain looked at me back when his campaign was floundering) and said, ‘Tom, you and I both know I’ve been through worse’.” So apparently, John McCain isn’t quite as adverse to bringing up his experience as a POW as one might have thought, even on trivial matters such as not being able to raise enough money for his campaign.
- In one incredibly condescending remark, Ridge said to the crowd in a voice reminiscent of “Mr. Furley” doing his “tinkerbell” hand-jiggle: “It’s not about *chaaaannnge*, it’s about experience!” (so what’s up with all the comments about “Change” all night long?)
- “It’s ‘talk pretty‘ vs. ‘talk straight!'” (not quite sure if he was making a double-entendre or not, but an “Obama is SO gay” attack would fit in following the effeminate inflection used above.)
- “It’s not about establishing a record, it’s about HAVING a record.”
Ridge was one giant snarkfest. I suddenly find myself reassessing that “unspoken bond” of his with John McCain.
Ridge was followed by yet another video, this one of Cindy McCain, traveling the world to help sick & impoverished children. Hey, great. But just how hard is it to “outshine” the other candidates’ wife when you’ve got $100 million dollars and a private Lear Jet to fly you anywhere in the world at a moments notice?
But you know, I’m watching the video of her going around to these poor ramshackle towns offering assistance, and I can’t help but think, “You know, if she were doing this in the United States, they might call her a Community Organizer.”
The video of Cindy was used to introduce Cindy herself:
“There’s no greater calling than serving your country. Teach, volunteer, [etc]…” …be a “Community Organizer” perhaps?
“If only the Federal government would get itself under control and out of our way…” Again I ask, which Party has been in charge of the White House for the past eight years, and was in charge of Congress for the first six of them? If “government” is “out of control” and in everybody’s way, whose fault is that?
On the subject of marriage, Cindy tells us, “I hit a home run with John McCain.” No, actually, you stole second [snark].
“I know John. You can trust his hand on the wheel.” (driving the country around in circles with the blinker on? [snark])
Cindy’s done talking. Time for another video! (The music’s opening bars: lifted from the theme to Dallas. You know: Texas. Horses. Mavericks. McCain.)
ANNOUNCER:
“Some have called him hotheaded. Some have called him names that can’t be repeated here.” (Is that REALLY something you want to be bragging about as qualities in a potential president?)
The story of John McCain begins.. in uniform. Apparently, John McCain was born in fatigue diapers because the video starts out talking about his military family and McCain as a soldier. Literally one minute into the seven and a half minute bio-pic, they are onto McCain’s time in a Vietnamese POW camp. Gee guys, why so long?
All three of “John McCain’s sons” are either currently “in the service”, or will be soon. I wonder, if their father should become President, would they come home? I believe Eisenhower was the last President to have a son serving in the military during wartime. I’d be interested in knowing (but not interested enough to vote for him just to find out) if the McCain’s would avail themselves of a privilege tens of thousands of families with kids in the military don’t get. The film continues:
“When you’ve lived in a box for five years…” Oh, geez! The “rich white guy race card“. You know, if during Poker, I played my trump card on Every. Single. Hand., that would be a mighty short game before everyone got up and went home. But this crowd eats it up because it’s THEIR money he’s playing with, and they’re looking for an easy payoff.
McCain enters, walks to the podium, accepts the nomination and mentions 9/11 almost out of the box: “[the nation suffered] …the worst attack on US soil in history.” To all you Rudy fans I say, “Tell McCain, hands Off YOUR panic-phrase!” Nine-elevenTM (RudyCo. patent pending)
Incidentally, in a night of snarky comments, McCain offered the most praise of anyone this entire convention for Barack Obama. Of course, Obama praised McCain first in his own acceptance speech the week before, so McCain really *had* to praise Obama to avoid sounding petty… you know, like his VP spent her entire speech doing.
Twice, protesters were seen being shuffled out, drowned out with chants of “USA! USA! USA!” by a crowd of people that think their Party has cornered the market on patriotism. McCain was forced to wait for the chants to die down before he could continue: “Don’t be diverted by the ground noise and the static”, he tells the audience, who laugh and cheer. Did I miss something? I don’t get the metaphor.
“Let me tell the “Me first, country second” crowd: Change. Is. Coming!” Trust us, John. We know. We know because we’ve been saying it for 18 months now.
Among his political accomplishments, McCain lists: “I’ve fought lobbyist who *stole* from Indian tribes.” You know those lobbyists: Republican shill Jack Abramoff and Evangelical monster-hypocrite Ralph Reed… you know: REPUBLICANS.
“We belong to a Party who’s lost its way.” Excellent point. Maybe it’ll convince people who still call themselves Republican to vote Republican, but for the rest of us, it’s a helpful reminder not to put these liars, crooks, thieves, pedophiles and closet racists back in charge for another 4 years. Thank you, John McCain!
“I fought for more troops in Iraq when it wasn’t the popular thing to do.” True enough. But so did the Democrats. It took a political Earthquake, with BOTH the House AND the Senate changing Parties in the same election to finally push President Bush to fire Donald Rumsfeld and replace him with someone willing to change strategies in Iraq. “Oh!”, I hear you say. “But didn’t John McCain lead the fight to fire Rumsfeld?” Not according to Rumsfeld.
“We favor a culture of life”, McCain tells the audience. You know the “culture of life” crowd… they’re the ones responsible for sending over 4,200 U.S. soldiers to their death in a war based on lies… a war that has cost the lives of perhaps as many as a million Iraqi civilians… people that had NEVER attacked the United States, and left an entire city of poor people in America to drown in Hurricane Katrina (with dead bodies floating in the streets). You know, THAT “Culture of Life” Party.
Which reminds me… I’m more than old enough to remember when Dan Quayle… the poster child for retro-active birth control and VP under the first President Bush… invented the “Family Values” meme when he attacked fictional TV character “Murphy Brown”, for having a child out of wedlock. He called it “shameful” and evidence of a culture that tolerates promiscuity.
Flash forward almost 20 years, where the Republican Party’s own VP candidate not only has a 17 year old pregnant unwed daughter (who was 16 at the time she got knocked up), but the VP candidate herself was already a month pregnant with her first child when she walked down the isle… and the same Party rabidly attacks anyone that dare criticize her… you know, the way THEY did for the last 20 years. Of course, if you’re going to be a TOTAL hypocrite, your VP candidate also has to be militant about preaching “Abstinence Only Education” (see how well it works?) AO supporters think that if you teach children about sex, they’re going to have sex. And if you only teach AO and your child has sex anyway, it must be the result of some moral failing of the parent. So what does this tell you about your nominee, Republicans? That you’re all a bunch of big honkin’ hypocrites? Nah!
McCain mentioned his support of “school choice” in his speech. This is code for privatization of our school system, which is just as bad an idea as privatization of Social Security. You see, “school choice” in Republicanland means giving parents “vouchers” to send their child to any school they want, including private charter schools and (tax exempt) religious schools (pouring millions of tax payer dollars into businesses that don’t pay a dime back in taxes). Imagine one school becomes the school everyone wants to send their kids to. Doesn’t matter if it’s clear across town, it’s the best school in town. And as it grows in popularity, they raise their rates until only the richest people in town can afford to attend. Meanwhile, the school closest to you goes bankrupt because everyone is sending their children to the Mega School ‘cross town. But, between gas & tuition, you can’t afford to send your kid to the Mega School ‘cross town. Yet the school closest to you just closed down due to lack of funds, and the next closest school sucks due to lack of funding. The “poor” kids get a substandard education, while the “rich” kids go to the best school in town. You end up “choosing” your kids’ school based upon what you can afford, not which provides the best education. That’s “school choice” in Republicanland.
Some choice quotes from McCain’s acceptance speech:
“…justices who rule impartially and don’t legislate from the bench.” This is nonsense, the most “activist” judges that make up new legislation and ignore precedent on the Supreme Court are the Conservative ones. Conservatives bitch about “activists judges”, but really, “activists judges” are EXACTLY what they want… to do things like ignore 30+ years of precedent to overturn Roe vs Wade. So when Republicans say things like this, understand that it’s complete nonsense. Red Meat to fire up the base.
“My opponent will force Americans into a government run healthcare system where a bureaucrat will make healthcare decisions!” (as opposed to the system we have now, where an ACCOUNTANT makes healthcare decisions.) Actually, “single-payer healthcare has nothing whatsoever to do with government administration of hospitals. I like to remind Conservatives that “there isn’t a single country on Earth fighting to adopt the American healthcare system.” And if you tried to take away the healthcare system in England or Canada, there’d be riots in the streets.
“We will provide assistance to those who have lost a higher paying job and forced to take a lower paying job, while they pursue retraining.” Okay, forget about how to pay for this new entitlement while you’re slashing taxes across the board, but don’t we already HAVE this program? It’s called *Unemployment Insurance*. Of course, that runs out after six to 12 months. This new program would, in effect, extend it for two to four YEARS. I can just see it now, “students” having to take their “report card” to the Unemployment office every six weeks to make sure they aren’t conning the system.
“We will drill new wells off shore and we’ll Drill. Them. Now!” Apparently, someone must have a warehouse full of unused offshore oil drilling platforms ready-to-go if we can start drilling “now” and start paying less tomorrow. No? Tell these guys:
“We’ll build new nuclear power plants. We’ll develop clean coal.” I heard these two mentioned frequently during the convention. First, the Obama campaign also endorses “clean coal” (a fictitious product because the removed sulfides don’t magically disappear, they just pump them back into the ground, where they poison our well water and kill microbial life, the basis of all life on Earth). Obama has (thankfully) been reluctant to turn to nuclear energy. The best reasoning I’ve ever heard for this is that “if the ancient Egyptians had nuclear energy 5,000 years ago, they would of had their 30 years of power and we’d STILL be guarding all that nuclear waste today… and for the next 25,000 years.” Oh, and nuclear power plants also require massive amounts of cold water. “Refrigerating” that much water would use almost as much energy as the plant creates, so instead, they use naturally cold water from rivers & streams, which are then superheated while cooling the reactor, and all that boiling hot water is dumped back into our rivers & streams, killing all life in them for miles. Nuclear power is neither clean, cheap, nor pollution free.
“My opponent thinks we can achieve Energy Independence without it, but Americans know better” No, as I’ve just pointed out, most Americans… and apparently, most Republicans… DON’T “know better”. That’s the problem.
“Iran is on the path to nuclear weapons.” (translation: More preemptive wars). And again, I ask you… whose fault it that? Who’s been in power all this time?
“The brave people of Georgia need our solidarity and our prayers.” The Right wing has done a masterful job of convincing most Americans that the Georgians are “completely innocent” and “the victims of an unprovoked attack by Russia”, when actually, Georgia invaded the Russian territory of Ossetia first… and evidence is mounting Dick Cheney may of had something to do with it. Me’thinks the Bush Administration wants to revive The Cold War for after President Obama pulls all our troops out of Iraq, bringing the eight-year Defense Industry gravy train to a screeching halt.
[I talked tough on Russia] “I’ll be friends to the Russians, but we can not tolerate a new Cold War.” (If Cheney keeps up his meddling, you may not have a choice.)
McCain tells us: “I used to bend a few rules and pick a few fights for the fun of it…” Great! Just what we want in a Commander-in-Chief! And I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t say “back when I was a kid”. He could been talking about last week for all we know.
McCain’s POW experience was honorable, but is Obama’s lifetime of achievement any less honorable simply because he never had something like that happen to him? He was only 12 years old when the Vietnam War ended in 1972, and attended Harvard Law School during the first Gulf War in 1990/91. But somehow, we are expected to look down our nose at Obama simply by virtue of his age and the lack of major military conflicts during his post-teen years (and DON”T get me started on how suddenly NOT serving in the military is something to be ashamed of in the eyes of Republicans.) Cindy pleaded with people to “volunteer” and “become active in the community”, but someone like Obama who actually did, sees his service turned into a punchline. Have I mentioned what bunch of big honkin’ hypocrites these people are, in the last ten minutes?
Senator McCain talked at great length of how his imprisonment made him love his country more, which has me wondering: Are we turning hundreds of Muslims into radical nationalists with our own POW camps, Gitmo and elsewhere?
McCain closed with a rallying cry of “Stand up! Stand up! Stand up and fight!” I implore you to do the same.
(Oh, one last photo. In case you thought he was really gone:)
Hey! I heard that! Stop your whining.
September 6, 2008
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